"Er, hello, you've reached Roland's voicemail. Because apparently answering machines weren't fancy enough. Leave a message, and assuming I can work out how to get it, I'll get back to you. Somehow.
"There aren't enough buttons on this thing. There aren't any buttons on this thi --"
*beep*
"There aren't enough buttons on this thing. There aren't any buttons on this thi --"
*beep*
no subject
Date: 2015-04-02 03:45 am (UTC)"Umm...please don't plan to use me as a weapon? I'd prefer not to get flung at anyone, if that's cool. I'd probably, umm, bounce? But I'm definitely not a unicorn. Not entirely sure what I am, but it's not that. Umm, unless you mean in the urban dictionary sense, in which case...still not me."